Boundaries, not Balance in 2022

My first memories of making New Year’s resolutions fill me with existential dread, even to this day.

I don’t remember when I first learned that New Year’s was a time to make big decisions about you how are going to do better in the coming year. But, I do remember a time, maybe in grade 6, when it was a class assignment to create New Year’s resolutions. I had done this before, with my family. As an individual, however, I felt overwhelmed by autonomy and choice. I was anxious about the assignment. I’m still anxious about the assignment.

It’s not a resolutions, but investing in my space and refreshing my toolkit always makes me feel ready to face a new year.

The way I understood New Year’s resolutions is the way I believe most of us understand wellness and balance. Instead of an introspection on abundance and gratitude or a commitment to investing in ourselves, the knee-jerk is to treat it as an audit of everything that is wrong, not enough, too much and imbalanced.

I’ll be completely honest, for years I failed even before I started with New Years resolutions. I leaned on very tangible, very unrealistic, goals that all (in retrospect) centred on changing who I am as a person. For me, creating resolutions was not about honouring my core self or even trying to understand it. Most of the things I vowed I would do better involved my body image and my productivity. I know that’s not uncommon.

For example, I procrastinate. Especially on big projects. I wrote my Master’s thesis in 3-weeks. One-hundred and twenty pages of intense research, theory and application. The rush I feel when pressure is applied helps me focus. For years, a mainstay in New Years resolutioning was to just stop procrastinating. But then, I learned something.

Procrastination is part of my creative flow. The pressure is what I need to stimulate my internal resources and jumpstart my engine. And it works for me! That Master’s thesis? I did incredibly well. I aced the adjudication and to this day (a decade later), I feature it on my LinkedIn profile as a piece of work I am proud of.

So why did I try to stymie my process for years?

Because, like many people, I based my resolutions on a very rigid system, imparted to me by people 25-years my senior, about the right and wrong ways to go about being a contributing member of society. Now we know… there is no right and wrong way to do that. So, last year, I started to do things a little differently.

I’m going to put it out there — I don’t believe in the concept of balance. I think it’s another fallacy we’ve constructed to hold ourselves to an impossible set of ideals and foster unnecessary competition and comparison. Life is never going to be balanced. The organizations I have worked with and for that trumpeted balance as a core tenet of culture were often the worst at enforcing the necessary boundaries to enable employees to take their balance. The times when I have been in my best physical shape and excelling at work have also been the unhappiest. Balance doesn’t exist. Boundaries do.

Last year, I wrote myself a letter on December 29 and set intentions for 2021. They are the same intentions I will keep this year. Holding myself to a set of resolutions that only make sense for society, not me, never worked. I failed. Like, within days. Trying to augment, enhance or improve the things that make me, me hasn’t served me. But, in 2021, these intentions helped me invest in relationships with my loved ones that are rooted in honesty and set strong boundaries, personally and professionally, that enabled me to be true to myself and leave unhealthy situations that were damaging my sense of safety and well-being.

So, here are my intentions. They will stay the same every year:

1. This year, I will honour my boundaries and my truth, even when it’s hard. Boundaries were the biggest lesson I took from my 20s. At work, in friendships, with your family… mapping what you are and aren’t comfortable with and enforcing those standards is on of the most challenging and rewarding lifelong processes.
2. This year, I will sit in gratitude. Voltaire said, “Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” This year, I will say, think and show, “thank-you”.
3. This year, I will strive for curious and compassionate communication. Even in moments when my ego might be bruised — when I’m feeling insecure; when I’m not feeling heard — I will try my best to seek to understand and communicate with kind authenticity.

Whatever your resolutions or intentions are — whether you believe in them or not — I think it’s incredible to have a designated time of year where we collectively take stock and re-invest in ourselves. This year, make it truly that. An investment in you, as a whole. What does that look like?

Happy New Year, one and all!